Simply writing about faith, family, and life stories.

Waiting

May 12, 2013

Wait for it.

Wait in the doctor’s office.

Wait in the check out line.

Wait for test results.

Wait for your baby to be born.

Wait for your application to be accepted.

Wait for your kids to get home.

Wait on people who say they will come or call or get back to you.

Wait excited.

Wait angry.

Wait frustrated.

Wait sad.

I’ve been waiting for faith to come. It’s like hanging your clothes out to dry. It’s got to happen. Those clothes have been out there a long time.

I’ve been waiting with this sorrow. I didn’t know really. I didn’t know I would sit with this sorrow for so long. It’s like hanging between.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to let go. It’s holding on tight to some expectation. It’s like spreading your arms wide and hanging there waiting for some kind of resurrection. But what if you are already way past the third day?

I’ve been waiting to be over this lose your mother thing. It’s not happening. A friend told me the other day that there are still good experiences to be had from my relationship with Mom. That is hard to believe today. I know my brothers and sisters understand. Maybe you do too. By the way, brothers and sisters, I’m holding you today in the ring that she gave me. I’ve been holding you all day.

But, I think sometimes you just hang there holding these two truths that don’t go together.

It’s heavy…this hanging. Christ knows.

Maybe we could just hang together today? I would really like that. Because I don’t really know what this waiting is all about. I know life is wearying sometimes. I know I can’t make sense of any of it sometimes, and maybe the hanging means being okay with the mystery even if the truth and the love are hard to see.

Mom hung there with it all. I saw it in her face when she voiced her concerns about us all….a graceful existence hanging between

what is and what will be,

what can’t be anymore and what has to be,

what is finishing and what is beginning,

what is breaking and what is forming.

Hang with me today?

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Faith, Family, Thoughts

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The Go-To List

May 7, 2013

Everyone has their Go-To list. These are the things that make us feel better or make our children feel better or at least make us feel like we are making our children feel better….or at the very least make our children feel like we have fixed something for them. Here’s ours.

For the wounded:

A Cool Rag…this can fix anything. I’m serious. Burns, wounds, abrasions, bruises, fake wounds, sister scratches, you name it.

Bandaids

Outside fresh air…This can cure you, too. Although last summer when we came into the A/C from hot, sweaty weather, Claire says, “Ahh! Fresh air!” We all just stared at her. I don’t know why we didn’t correct her.

For those who hunger and thirst:

Fresh drinks….every night for their whole lives, our children ask us to get them a fresh drink. It’s our fault really. We used to live in the tropics where we pretty much stayed dehydrated. Also, we never wanted them to get out of their beds once we said goodnight. Now we pay.

piece of cheese…an acceptable before bed snack. We are suckers really. They know we will always get them a piece of cheese. You’d think we were mice.

bowl of cereal…we are real cereal people here. Crunchy cereal people.

chocolate milk

For the downtrodden:

Netflix

Popcorn…this makes everyone feel better for some reason.

Song and dance…we are full of them around here. Just you wait.

a made-up, on-the-spot story…this all started when we would be traveling overseas and not have a book to read to the kids at night. I would make up these horrid, uncreative stories. They loved them. I’m pretty sure it was because they were always the main characters.

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Family, Thoughts

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Encouragement

April 27, 2013

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1. Never underestimate what a note of encouragement can do…

~What I love the most about this note I found on my desk is that she gave herself a red check at the top.~

2. Never underestimate the value of a red check on your paper.

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Family, Thoughts

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States of Delirium

April 23, 2013

…If you are trying to stay awake to write a policy paper, you should do a head stand or two. Don’t do three. And certainly don’t ask someone in the room if your legs are straight. They might try to straighten them for you, and then you’ll fall over out of your perfect udyabanda and crack your fingers together. Then you’ll yell at this person, “Not my fingers! The only thing I need right now is these fingers to type this blasted paper!”

…One of my favorite people likes to use these three dots a lot so I’m using them at the beginning of the sentence to throw you. Another of my friends hates the … Sorry Amy.

…One of my sister-in-laws wants me to blog about waiting. I will, but you are going to have to wait for it. :) Wait for it!

…Coffee is not working for me anymore. I think I need a Red Bull. Do you have a Red Bull? Did you want a Red Bull? Actually my dog Tater just came in and blew her breath on me. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. That helps.

…If anyone wants to weave a rug, there is enough dog hair in my hallway to get the job done. Don’t judge. I ain’t cleaning until this paper is done. And that’s final.

…We had a cart wheel contest with some friends the other day, and I have to tell you that I didn’t win. I’m still a little mad about it. I would have won the head stand contest if we had one.

…Lydia assigned us seats in the kitchen apparently. There are names taped to each chair. This is actually helpful when you aren’t sleeping much. Just follow the signs. Oh, speaking of Lydia, that girl is going to be some kind of organizer. She actually took some big dice and cast lots on who was going to have the greatest morning and the greatest night. Then she hung the results up on a chart. The next morning I stumbled into the kitchen and started making coffee. She ran in and said, “MOM!!! Are you having the greatest morning???” I blinked hard. “Um, what?” “You’re on the list to be the one to have the greatest morning!” I chuckled and then started laughing. “Sure, I guess so. If it’s on the list, then I am.” Her smile is so great.

…One summer a million years ago before these kids and this husband and this job and way the heck before this dad-burn policy paper, I spent in California doing camps for kids. One weekend we were off we went to San Francisco. The group was going to Alcatraz, a friend of mine named Tiffany and I decided to branch out on our own. We walked for hours trying to find the houses you saw at the beginning of that show Full House. No luck, Chuck. So, we went to China Town and had lunch. It was yummy and very authentic. I was sad when they didn’t bring me a fortune cookie. Tiffany and I made a new friend there who lived around the corner and he asked what we needed. I told him I really needed a fortune cookie, so he said, “Follow me.” We did. Yeah. I think we just didn’t care after we couldn’t find those houses. He led us down some streets. Don’t try this at home kids. We found ourselves in an old San Fran alley complete with the fire escapes and laundry. Loved it. He left us. We knocked on the door he pointed us to, and an older Chinese lady who clearly did not speak English beckoned us to enter. Her daughter came out and we told her we wanted fortune cookies but we thought we were probably in the wrong place. She turned around and went in the back of her shop. The older lady smiled nicely at us. I didn’t know what to do so I just smiled. The other lady came out with the biggest bag of fortune cookies that I have ever seen. We laughed and told her we just wanted one each. Her smile faded, and she said no. We bought the bag. We ate fortune cookies the rest of the summer. It was awesome. Our fortunes changed every single day. You never know.

…And now….back to the paper!!!

Category:

Family, Stories, Thoughts, Travels

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Writing

April 18, 2013

Step 1. Get in the chair.

Step 2. No Facebook.

Step 3. Drink water.

Step 4. Get your music.

Step 5. Set the timer. No getting up. No clicking on anything else.

Step 6. Let it flow. Open. See.

Step 7. Let your soul drive your fingers. Type away. It gets better and better.

Step 8. Get up. Stretch. Fire your negative thoughts. Move on.

Step 9. Do it all over again. and again. and again.

Step 10. Finish. Dance. Eat, drink and be merry.

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Miscellaneous

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Two Things

I am always doing two things at once. Did you know? Right now I’m writing a paper and blog post. I should be writing a paper and that’s all, but I like to multi-task. I clean the bathroom and listen to lectures. I cook and call out spelling words. I iron and watch television. I plan articles and talk on the phone. I’m not sure if this is a good thing, but I find it rare to one-thing-it. Today two peculiar things came to mind that I need to share with you.

1. Driveways:

  • You know your Wednesday will be a good one when you see a large, peculiar pile of cat puke in your drive-way. Wow. A closer look revealed a little mole foot sticking out of it. Wow, indeed. I’m sorry but I didn’t photograph it. You’re gross for thinking about that anyways.
  • Would it bother you if there were bits of sidewalk chalk strewn about your driveway? And cars run over it. And rain makes it smear a bit. And children bring more out. Constantly? It obviously doesn’t bother us.

2. Hallways:

  • My dog, Dot, likes to lay in our hallway and sleep.It’s not cozy at all. We have wood laminate floors. There is not a rug. She especially does it when I’m writing in the office. I think she is protecting me. Or not. She just lies on her side with her stick legs sticking out.
  • My daughter, Lydia will only brush her teeth in the hallway. We’ve all tried to get her to brush her teeth in the bathroom like a normal person. I have asked her. Her sisters have shamed her. She cares not. She says that the hallway is where she brushes her teeth. The end.

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Family, Miscellaneous, Thoughts

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Monday Needs a Prayer

April 15, 2013

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

― Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Category:

Faith, Prayers

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Surprises

April 10, 2013

1. Hair left on the side of the bathtub. Isn’t this just like a used bandaid? No one wants to throw it away, but somebody has to. I wish it wasn’t me.

2. Lizard friend in all the wrong places. I was ironing my youngest a dress on Sunday morning, and I felt something wet on my leg inside my trousers. I thought it was lotion I needed to rub in. So, I rubbed on it through the pants, and the wet spot wiggled. You should have seen me jump. Boy, I got those pants off quick just as a larger than medium green lizard dropped on the floor and ran under the couch. My oldest, who loves lizards, ran in and quickly found him. “Wow, you sure made him mad! Poor thing!” She said accusingly while taking him outside. I looked at Maile and eyed my pants on the floor. “It was his fault for being in my closet,” I said, very mature. The worst part is that I had been dressed for a while. Ew. I put my pants back on and shivered and said, “I’m still creeped out.” “Get over it, Mom,” Maile said in a loving pre-teen tone of voice. If you want my advice, shake those pants before you put them on.

3. A second toilet! I’m not kidding. After two years and two months, we officially have a second toilet in our house. Someone sound the trumpets! It’s amazing! Seriously, it is really nice with six peeps to have a second one. I’m feeling rich.

4. A newspaper column. It’s a first for me, but it was really fun to see it come out last Saturday! Yay!

5. Crying during family circuit workouts. Mountain climbers brought on some whining. There was laughing during the crunches. They liked the chin-ups, but wow, push-ups. At this point I thought, hey, this family circuit workout is just like when we try to do Advent together. There’s music, some yelling, a little crying, and some sarcasm. The only thing missing was prayer. Lord, help me.

6. This precious photo my aunt by marriage took at Easter of our girls. Goodness. I like them a lot more in this photo than I did during our workout together.

Photo Credit: Donna R. Cole

Photo Credit: Donna R. Cole

Hope you get some surprises this week!

Category:

Miscellaneous, Thoughts

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A Birthday Candle

April 7, 2013

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I lit a candle on my birthday. I met my oldest girl at this old fort and mission in Goliad, Texas where her 7th grade was having a Texas History field trip. The Presidio La Bahia is a very interesting place to visit especially on a sunny April day. After we sat in the chapel and listened to the history of the Presidio and the story of the Goliad Massacre, we were free to move about and tour around. I moved into the enclave on the side of the chapel as everyone left the chapel. I stared at the candles. A basin of holy water was to my right. Before I could think or pray or feel anything, I felt myself turn around. My hands grabbed the matches, and I struck the match and watched the candle come to life.

I felt a little sheepish. Mom…I lit it for her. It was my birthday, but I lit it for her.

For all those 37 birthdays she sang to me in the morning.

For all those birthdays she tried to make me feel special.

For all those parties she threw me. There weren’t many. There were six of us, so we could only have a “friend party” every six years. This staggered it out for my parents. Brilliant, don’t you think? So, I had a slumber party on my sixth, my twelfth, and a big party on my 18th. The rest of the birthdays we just had our family which was quite a party in itself.

I watched the flame flicker. I had less than a minute of reflection with that candle. Then I was overtaken with a need to find my daughter. I found her on the fort grounds. She was having fun. I had her climb into a gun holder place in the wall, and that was fun. She climbed a tree and got in trouble with the tour staff. I climbed the fort wall, but no one caught me.

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We went over to the Goliad Mission, had lunch and then toured that place too. I lit another candle in the mission chapel. My friend Ann did too. There was a sign on the matches that there is high humidity and if they wouldn’t light to ask a staff member. This sounded like a challenge. I sure do like a challenge. It took us a few tries, but we got the job done. I liked lighting the candles together. It felt right. Like you are supposed to do church together and prayer too sometimes.

My mind wandered through my life, my mom’s life, her death and more.

It’s good to wander and flicker and see.

I recommend it.

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Faith, Family

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For Your Dark Night

March 29, 2013

“Therefore, O spiritual soul, when you see your desire obscured,

your affections arid and constrained,

and your faculties bereft of their capacity for any interior exercise,

be not afflicted by this,

but rather consider it a great happiness,

since God is freeing you from yourself and taking the work from your hands.

For with those hands, howsoever well they may serve you,

you would never labor so effectively,

so perfectly and so securely (because of their clumsiness and uncleanness) as now,

when God takes your hand and guides you in the darkness as though you were blind to an end

and by a way which you know not

nor could you ever hope to travel with the aid of your own eyes and feet,

howsoever good you may be as a walker.”

~St. John of the Cross

Category:

Faith, Prayers

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