I did it tonight. You do it. Everyone has done it.
We all ask the wrong question at certain points in our lives. A lot of times this is directed to your spouse.
Does this outfit make me look fat?
What is your problem?
Why are you here?
What is your name again?
What is that smell?
Are we there yet?
Are you sure you don’t have twins in there?
Who’s your daddy?
Don’t you just love communication? It can be so much fun. It can be so difficult. It can be so awkward. And I could go on…but the question that brought these others to mind is one I’ve said often to my husband in our marriage. The end changes but it begins: Do you want to (fill in some chore like changing a dirty diaper or finishing cleaning up dog puke or tonight get the little ones out of the tub)?
My brother-in-law was here and laughed and said his wife asks him to do something the same way. My husband who is always willing to help says it’s the wrong question. I remember the first time I said it. “Do you want to change the baby before we leave, Honey?” “No not really,” my wonderfully literal husband answered. I was mad that time.
“I guess I’m just trying to be polite,” I said to them tonight. “We just want you to tell us what you need us to do,” my husband said speaking for all men everywhere.
This is one of the best things I’ve learned about communication especially in a marriage: be honest about what you need. Ask for help directly and don’t assume anyone can read your mind or your weird passive-aggressive behavior.