Pondering

Yesterday, I ran around from one thing to the next, my heart split between children, tasks, and mothers. It was a floaty/foggy mind kind of day. I didn’t really know what day it was or where the to-do list was, but I made it through. I’m deep-pondering about love and parenting. I’m wondering why middle-schoolers are so cruel…don’t they just mirror us intensely? I’m trying to really see the little one and opportunities for time with her. I’m trying to squeeze extra minutes out of hours for writing.  I’m thinking what it must mean for my mom to stand up and refuse treatment…going against our natural survival instinct. I see her struggle with it, and I can’t understand. I’m asking God to show our family how we can open our lives to others. I worry that we are just prescribing a certain kind of life for our children instead of showing them true Love. All this wallowing around in whispered prayers, and I can’t know. I can just be and whisper and thank.

483. Yellow cake with chocolate icing my oldest girl won in a cake walk on Saturday. It’s a good cake. We are going to eat it forever.

484. Mom standing up to the ER doctor. “If you have a heart attack, are you just going to let yourself die?” his young doctor voice asks, perplexed. “Yes,” she says feeling calm.

485. Mom texting me that she’s leaving the ER…going home to rest..feeling better today

486. empty laundry baskets

487. an old dog feeling better

488. praying for motivation to work hard

489. girls trying a Persian meal without much complaining

490. No tubes for Maile

491. new yellow sheets

492. birthday money

Join me in giving thanks.

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