Waiting

Wait for it.

Wait in the doctor’s office.

Wait in the check out line.

Wait for test results.

Wait for your baby to be born.

Wait for your application to be accepted.

Wait for your kids to get home.

Wait on people who say they will come or call or get back to you.

Wait excited.

Wait angry.

Wait frustrated.

Wait sad.

I’ve been waiting for faith to come. It’s like hanging your clothes out to dry. It’s got to happen. Those clothes have been out there a long time.

I’ve been waiting with this sorrow. I didn’t know really. I didn’t know I would sit with this sorrow for so long. It’s like hanging between.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to let go. It’s holding on tight to some expectation. It’s like spreading your arms wide and hanging there waiting for some kind of resurrection. But what if you are already way past the third day?

I’ve been waiting to be over this lose your mother thing. It’s not happening. A friend told me the other day that there are still good experiences to be had from my relationship with Mom. That is hard to believe today. I know my brothers and sisters understand. Maybe you do too. By the way, brothers and sisters, I’m holding you today in the ring that she gave me. I’ve been holding you all day.

But, I think sometimes you just hang there holding these two truths that don’t go together.

It’s heavy…this hanging. Christ knows.

Maybe we could just hang together today? I would really like that. Because I don’t really know what this waiting is all about. I know life is wearying sometimes. I know I can’t make sense of any of it sometimes, and maybe the hanging means being okay with the mystery even if the truth and the love are hard to see.

Mom hung there with it all. I saw it in her face when she voiced her concerns about us all….a graceful existence hanging between

what is and what will be,

what can’t be anymore and what has to be,

what is finishing and what is beginning,

what is breaking and what is forming.

Hang with me today?

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