Ever have trouble just being? Ever live distracted? I’m pretty sure we all do. That’s why we are looking for the next thing, the next email, the next text, the next event, the next whatever. It’s easy to sit and be still with a pretty view in front of you. Shoot, you might even pick up a rock and really engage the moment. But, in daily life, hmm. What is it with us humans? Sometimes, distractedness can mean grief. And, good grief, I am feeling it this week.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have to look back in order to move forward or even to just be. It’s been a year since my mom went into the hospice facility and almost a year since she passed away. I was wondering this morning what I was blogging about one year ago. It was funny and sad. And I guess it’s been really hard for me to just be since then. I watched a funny clip someone sent me about why smart phones aren’t good for kids, and although it was supposed to be very comedic, it hit me hard that most of us really don’t want to feel sorrow, sadness or loneliness. This is no surprise, but the comedian went on to say that we buffer this sadness that is necessary at times with keeping busy, checking things, or looking for the next thing instead of just being. So, we never really feel anything, but this mediocre satisfaction with our products.
When I write it, it sounds very unfunny. It was pretty funny; but at this point, I know you don’t believe me. Anyways, I’m working on just being today. It’s what God made the Sabbath for anyways. Just to be. God is good at being. It’s even basically God’s name. I’m not sure how to help you with being. It has something to do with being okay with the place you are in. I just know that one year ago, I really was there and you can hear it. I think there is something to be said for prayer. For breathing in and out. For finding the funny. And for letting those waves of sorrow come.
Here’s the entry from one year ago today:
September 22, 2012 “Hospice Partying”
I’ve been spending time with my mom in the hospice inpatient facility. OH, and with my five siblings and their spouses and their children and their grandchildren. Wow. I just want you to know we really do try to not be so loud up here, but it’s hard for us. There’s a lot of us. We like to laugh. We want to respect the other families. The nurses keep saying they really don’t mind and that laughter is the best medicine after all. If this is true, we could provide a lot of best medicine for a lot of people. Here are my favorite quotes from the partying:
1. “So, what are you in here for? Pain management?” a random nurse asks Mom. “No,” she chuckles, “I came here to die,” she says matter-of-fact.
2. “I don’t care who you are….whether you are a Christian or not….life is hard. You just do the best you can,” Mom said.
3. “You’re so totally the favorite child,” my oldest brother says laughing. I shake my head laughing too. “OH, it’s true,” my sister says. I wanted to stick my tongue out at them.
4. “You have to add me on there or I can’t Facetime with you, Turdface,” my oldest brother says to my older sister. They were sitting side by side in Mom’s hospice bed each with their Ipads in hand.
5. “You just take whatever you want from my house,” my Mom says serious, “I’m not going back there.”
6. “Who’s the patient?” the nurses ask chuckling at my mom still coordinating the party.
7. “I wonder how you do that skipping,” my niece asks as we watched Dick Van Dyke skipping to Mary Poppins. Mom watched as some of us tried skipping like Bert. My nieces skipped down the hall. My brother-in-law started to until a nurse aide saw him at which point he sheepishly returned to the room we were in.
8. “I just take my chair where ever I go,” my brother-in-law said passing nurse as he wheeled my mom’s favorite recliner down the hall to her room. The nurse laughed. Mom was so happy to see her chair.
A Sabbath Prayer for Being
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know.