There’s so many good posts out there today. There’s a lot of meaningful writing, hilarious videos, and there’s even some movies out there about Mother’s Day. But I want you to know what I think about on Mother’s Day. Perhaps it will resonate with others of you moms out there who loved your mom but she’s gone. And you can’t rest in her soft hug today. Or smell her. Or be annoyed by her. Or get advice from her. Or get her to hem your pants by asking really nicely. Not anymore.
Truth be told, I don’t love this holiday. But it is holy. Flowers, cheesy songs at church, and well meant greetings just remind me that my mom’s gone.
And yet, here’s these four daughters wanting me to feel special. They know I’m sad today and I love them more because of it. I know some look at people like me and just wonder what I am thinking on this day.
So here’s what I’m thinking…
Her hair. Her smell. Her hugs.
Her voice. Her hands. Her legacy.
Her quirks and annoying habits. The way she said my name. Nobody says it like that.
Fighting with her moments of hate and moments of love.
Laughing with her. Feeling the weight in her face when I held my first baby.
Watching her live and watching her die…
About each of the days I became a mother. How magical and painful those days were…each of those births created a new me….
About the baby I lost…
Being real with each of the girls….
What they need from me, each uniquely.
What they don’t need from me…
How they have helped me mother….
How we change each other…and the gift that is for me.
Also what they have forced me to face…in letting go of myself and keeping it all the same.
And as I watch their hands grow….
Laugh with them…