What I Think About Today

There’s so many good posts out there today. There’s a lot of meaningful writing, hilarious videos, and there’s even some movies out there about Mother’s Day. But I want you to know what I think about on Mother’s Day. Perhaps it will resonate with others of you moms out there who loved your mom but she’s gone. And you can’t rest in her soft hug today. Or smell her. Or be annoyed by her. Or get advice from her. Or get her to hem your pants by asking really nicely. Not anymore.

Truth be told, I don’t love this holiday. But it is holy. Flowers, cheesy songs at church, and well meant greetings just remind me that my mom’s gone.

And yet, here’s these four daughters wanting me to feel special. They know I’m sad today and I love them more because of it. I know some look at people like me and just wonder what I am thinking on this day.

So here’s what I’m thinking…

About her.

Her hair. Her smell. Her hugs.

Her voice. Her hands. Her legacy.

Her quirks and annoying habits. The way she said my name. Nobody says it like that.

Fighting with her moments of hate and moments of love.

Laughing with her. Feeling the weight in her face when I held my first baby.

Watching her live and watching her die…

About each of the days I became a mother. How magical and painful those days were…each of those births created a new me….

About the baby I lost…

Being real with each of the girls….

What they need from me, each uniquely.

What they don’t need from me…

How they have helped me mother….

How we change each other…and the gift that is for me.

Also what they have forced me to face…in letting go of myself and keeping it all the same.

And as I watch their hands grow….

Hug them…

Smell them….

Laugh with them…

We live.

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A Mother’s Day Post…or not

How was your Mother’s Day?

I made my own coffee this morning. I poured in 6 cups of water, shook the dwindling coffee bag, and realized there really were only 4 cups of coffee worth. So, I cannot tell you what this post is going to be like. This isn’t a Hallmark card. It might be a card, but from a different aisle.

You know how my day started, so here’s the list of accomplishments.

1. Children, woken, fed, warned I can’t be late because I’m teaching Sunday school.

2. Next, I get to plunge the toilet because someone’s big poop and abundance of toilet paper wouldn’t go down.

3. Then I got to bandage a little girl’s sore.

4. I got dressed, and then I was called to do a pony tail, oh, I mean a braid (“Just one, Mom!”) and then it changed to a side braid.

5. At this point, one of them remembers it’s Mother’s Day and hastily stuffs a card in my hand. It is sweet, home-made, and thoughtful. I plan to find it in 30 years yellowed and torn in a special place. I plan to cry again.

6. Then I had to help the little one get her dress on. Another pony tail-braid.

7. I checked my phone to see the time. Poop again. My mom texted me first. On Mother’s Day. I called her She was happy to hear from me.

8. After I let out a good yell-fest about not ever scratching your sister, we pile into the car and rush off to church. I see that Lydia has her shoes in hand but not on her feet yet.

9. As everyone is getting out of the van, Lydia is weeping. The shoes she picked don’t fit her anymore. I scramble around mumbling about how there’s gotta be some flip-flops in here somewhere. Nope. I run over to my husband’s car and scour his for extra shoes. This just doesn’t make sense. If you only knew how many extra shoes are usually in our cars. She had to wear the ouchy ones, but I let her go barefoot once we were inside.

10.Church is good. I teach 2nd-5th graders a Bible story, and they listen about John the Baptist deep in with God. He was puzzled, but still listening and letting go and baptizing Jesus….obeying without all the answers or clarity.   I hear myself saying living for yourself is the way to sadness, loneliness.   So, even if you don’t understand or have answers, it is best to step out in faith and give yourself away.

11. After church we eat with the whole family. There are flowers, roast, potatoes. It’s good. My girl serves me. My husband brings me a drink.

12. We relish the warm day, and my husband sends me to the movies later. He’s sweet like that.

There’s more, but I don’t know about you, I don’t think I can take any more Mother’s Day. This day made me laugh. This day made me cry. And, now this day will make me sleep.

No matter what this day sounds like to you:

I wouldn’t change a thing.

Perspective can be a turd or not. Sometimes your perspective might just need a little plunging. I’m a little bit monastic, so I smirk when I take hold of the plunger and treat it as an ascetic practice. When no one remember it’s supposed to be my day, I pray for it to be my one good humiliation for the day. And when I’m throwing away the nasty Angry Bird band-aid, I remember to laugh. Then I go scream to my people that all I really want for Mother’s Day is for people to throw away their own band-aids.

I remember all the mothers in the world today too. Those who don’t have band-aids. Those who carry their water for coffee from a ways. Those who could never go to the movies. What a life I live.

So how about living for listening, letting go and like John, living with God in mystery most of the time. Are you with me?

How about being one selfless mother?

This seems to be the way to a Happy Mother’s Day!